Tom Cruisetube
🥈Expert CreatorTom Cruisetube description on YouTube:
I review cruise ships properly. Not cabin tours. Not brochure fluff. Not “everything is amazing.” If you sail from the UK — Cunard, P&O, Princess, Royal Caribbean, Ambassador, Virgin Voyages, Fred Olsen and anything else that floats past Southampton — this is where we dissect it. Main reviews. Dining breakdowns. Entertainment verdicts. Gym & Fitness deep dives. Every bar. Ten Loves / Ten Hates / Ten improvements. And the occasional cruise-culture rant that makes Hyacinth nervous. I cruise every month. I pay for it myself. I’m not for sale. I say what I actually think. New videos twice a week. If you like ships, strong opinions, and humour that occasionally alarms relatives… welcome.
We’ve analysed 87 of 96 videos so far.
Solid sample of Tom Cruisetube's catalogue — the patterns below should be reliable.
How cruise-focused are they, and how much of it have we analysed?
- 202638100%38 of 38100%38 of 38
- 20255098%49 of 50100%49 of 49
Topic-by-topic creator consensus
Every topic scored on the Trip Bacon Score — 0 to 5. More bacon, more love.
Dining
Cabins
Entertainment
Deck & Recreation
Ship & Crew
Value & Logistics
Scale: 0–5 strips in half-step increments. 0 = “meh”, 5 = “bacon bliss”. Aggregated from creator-review sentiment, weighted by channel expertise.
About our Bacon Score methodologyWho’s this ship for?
How the ship rates with different travel parties.
Seals are awarded when topics or audiences cross positive thresholds with sufficient volume.
What Creators Are Saying
Selected quotes from our creator panel.
“If it ain't, I blinking love this ship more than I love Natalie Portman or Windmills or even Red Sweets with white inside.”
“It absolutely rocks.”
“Aurora is the first ship I ever boarded, the first ship I ever loved, and the ship that I sort of blamed for one of my many poor life choices.”
“I love being on a proper ship. Stick your tail coat on and let's sip a pre-dinner Kgnc surrounded by the dark wood and brass of Anderson's.”
“It's wide, it's wooden, it's wicked.”
“John Martin is a cruise ship comedian. Now, this is not the same as an actual comedian.”
“Illuminations Plantarium 0 out of 10.”
“People are disgusting out of 10.”
“I hate the Horizon Buffet. No, actually, I hate every other guest on board.”
“He grabbed at my special place. He tried to kiss me and as I pushed him away and turned to leave, he called after me, "Please don't tell anyone."”
Pro Tips From Creators
The most-shared advice for Tom Cruisetube.
Get to the Commodore Club early if you want a seat.
Try the donuts in the Corinthia Lounge.
If you want a free coffee, head to Connections on deck 2.
Ask for more portions if you want more.
Do not book specialty dining on a sea day.
Keep your wits about you in the buffet.
Don't forget to stock up on donuts.
Book for 10:00 a.m. or later to ensure facilities are ready.
Videos (87)
8:44ReviewScarlet Lady: Ten Ways I Know Better Than Virgin Voyages
5:42TipsMinistry Of Cruisetube - Letter D
8:17TipsWhich Cruise Line Is Right For You? Well… Which Sitcom Do You Like?
5:52TipsMinistry Of Cruisetube - C Is For... The A-Z Of Cruise Culture Continues...
11:48ReviewP&O Iona Dining Review– The Good, The Bad, and the Gelatin!
4:45TipsMinistry of Cruisetube – B Is For… The A-Z of Cruise Culture Continues...
25:08ReviewMy Last Minute Iona Cruise Review - Bumped Twice, Saved by P&O
5:10TipsMinistry of Cruisetube – A Is For… The A-Z of Cruise Culture Begins
12:46CompareCunard vs Virgin Voyages - Where Should The 'Premium' Money Go?
4:20ReviewI've Been Cancelled - How Princess Cruises Let Me Down
8:30ReviewQueen Mary 2 Rocks… But Here’s How I’d Make Cunard's Flagship Better
7:47TipsVirgin Voyages Dictionary - Branson To English
8:14CompareWhich Ship REALLY IS Butlins At Sea?
8:29TourScarlet Lady Gym Tour – Pizzas, Protein & Pickleball - Staying Fit On Virgin Voyages
9:54CompareIf Cruise Lines Were Cars...
7:11Tips10 Cruise Hacks That I Don't Get
10:17ReviewVirgin Voyages Scarlet Lady - 10 Things I Loved & 10 That I HATED
6:31TipsP&O Arcadia - Ten Easy MUST Fixes
16:22ReviewScarlet Lady Dining Review - Virgin Voyages Food Verdict
10:14ReviewVirgin Voyages Comedy Festival – Every Hit & Every Miss on Scarlet Lady
34:02ReviewScarlet Lady Review – Virgin Voyages: Better Than Feared, Worse Than Hoped & Exactly What It Cost
10:15TipsQM2 Gym Tour & Healthy Eating Guide
12:48TipsTen Cruise Passenger Stereotypes - Which One Are You?
13:22VlogAurora Tales – Shocking Cruise Ship Stories From Working Onboard